Thursday, March 24, 2005

Condensed Imperfect Memory #1

3:29 am.

*Click*

"One had better have a very good reason for calling this early in the morning."

"*Sniff* Matt? Are you there?"

"Uhh.... yeah?"

"I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to wake you... this is Alexia!"

"Alexia! I'm sorry, I thought you were one of my friends playing a prank."

"No, it's ok, I shouldn't be calling so late anyway."

"It's ok... look, are you crying?"

"Yeah"

"What's wrong?"

"It's Kellen. We were at this party, and he just got angry at me and took off in his car.. and he hit someone elses car on the way out... now everyone is angry at me!"

"Oh... Alexia, it'll be ok. Don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry I called you, I didn't know who else to call!"

"No, it's ok. You're ok though, right? You're not hurt or anything?"

"No, I'm fine, but now everyone hates me."

"I don't hate you.. don't worry, it'll turn out ok. I'm sure he's come around by now."

"Look, I have to go, thanks for talking to me so late."

"No problem Alexia. Get some sleep now, ok?"

"Bye Matt"

"Bye"

*Click*

Monday, November 01, 2004

Interim Progress Report

Elementary School Interim Progress Report
Horry Country School District
South Carolina

Name: Matthew Collin
School: Waccamaw Elem.
Teacher: Mrs. G*****
Grade: 4
School year: 1992-93

Code:
E – Excellent
S – Satisfactory
NI – Needs Improvement
U – Unsatisfactory

Grading Period 3

Reading: S
Language: S
Spelling: S
Handwriting: S
Mathematics: NI
Social Studies: S
Science: S
Health: S

Third Interim Report:

Matthew is doing well, unfortunately, math continues to challenge him. He has a C+ average at this point in the marking period. He continues to have an accuracy problem. I know he’ll be able to raise this grade.

Thursday, September 30, 2004

Memory: The Glasgow Redhead

The beautiful green was still passing in front of my eyes. I could have stared at the English country-side for days, which was good because the bus trip was scheduled for nine long hours.

Coming out of London the bus had been packed, so Jonathan was forced to sit next to me and Aaron with an elderly woman. As the hours trickled on by, the bus began to slowly empty. How strange it is to drive all the way up a country, and only lose a few passengers an hour. The Western luxury of personal space was required eventually, and I booted Jonathan out to his own pair of seats.

The bus halted in Newcastle, one of the last English towns before the land grows even greener as it becomes Scottish. This city was to be our next stop after Edinburgh, so I strained to look out of every window to get a good angle. Something was happening on the far side of the bus, and I strained to peer down at the people standing there.

It was a tall, red-headed girl about my age. Pretty. She seemed to be crying, and was hugging an elderly man and woman. After her luggage was placed inside the bus, the sobbing young girl clambered up onto the bus, and began to look around for spaces. There might have been empty pairs further down, but this half of the bus had at least one person in every pair.

Jonathan was a few seats in front of me to the left. As the girl got on, he and I looked at each other, smiled, and then both slowly removed our book bags from the adjacent seats, lest she decide to sit there. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, then walked over and sat next to me, still covered in tears. She leaned over to get something out of her book bag, and I smiled at Jonathan and gave him a thumbs up.

Despite the minor tension leading up to her become my 2 hour travel partner, I failed to say much to her for the first hour. I hated the idea of being the creepy traveler, straining for conversation when there should be any. She began to listen to the Counting Crows on her headset, so I resigned to reading a book for a while. As the air outside the bus grew even colder, her face lightened and mood improved. Like any British youth, she pulled out her cell phone every 5 minutes and sent a text message, or talked to someone for a little bit.

About an hour in, I said as nonchalantly as a bored guy sitting next to an attractive girl can manage: “Leaving or going home?”

She looked at me for a moment, then said in a think Glasgow accent, “Goi’n, I just said goodbye to meh Nanny and grandpa.”

Part of me felt it was strange that a girl of 18 would be crying over this parting, but then I remembered that, from experience, girls over there tended to be more weepy about parting with family.

We basically had slow conversation over the next hour. It was the kind of awkward conversation that involves asking a question every five minutes, getting a response, then pausing for another five minutes before vice versa happens. Her name was Michelle. She lived in Glasgow, but obviously her grandparents lived in Newcastle. The news that she was continuing on the Glasgow slightly saddened me, as I knew that Edinburgh was my stop, so there could be no, “Shall we continue this conversation elsewhere?”

She was interested in the fact that I was ‘from’ America. Like so many girls there, she had never been, but really wanted to go. I didn’t feel like talking about America very much, so I tried not to ask her too much about Scotland.

Before anything substantial came out of it all, our cranky bus driver announced that we were in Edinburgh. The windows of the bus were drenched, and through the warped environment water creates, I could see the grey buildings of this new city waiting to greet me.

Michelle got off with us, as she was taking a different bus to Glasgow. She giggled as Jon, Aaron and I huddled together, looking over the map and trying to find the hostel we would be staying at, under the Castle Rock at that beautiful city. I turned a corner and she was gone, left to a memory.

Sunday, August 08, 2004

Morena - Part One

He squinted. It was obvious that she was one of the children of the sun, as her skin had long since burned brown with time. The young man was pale from sun block and air conditioning, so that when his hand grasped hers it was like chilled milk being forced upon piping-hot chocolate. He pulled her up from the searing black roadside, noticing that she was leaving a fair bit of skin from her knee behind. The chalky whiteness of the scrape quickly took on that blotchy redness that, for a child ten years younger, would have warranted a mother’s kiss and a Snoopy band-aid. As he held her briefly to steady her, her brown curls brushed up against his face, and he smelled the stench of cheap beer and cologne on them, with a hint of something familiar; a smell he couldn’t recall at that moment.

“Ouch.”

She was now leaning over, looking down at her hurt knee, so he took the moment to look her over without fear of being caught. She couldn’t be more than a year younger than him, sixteen or seventeen maybe. She was wearing a tan skirt that flirted with her brown thigh in the wind, and a white tank top which made her seem even darker still. Her feet were bare, and her red-painted toenails wiggled on the hot pavement. Her nose scrunched up as she looked once again at the wound and winced a little, but when she looked up at him all he could see were the brilliant white teeth matching the glint in her eye as she smiled at him.

He began to mutter something about needing to reapply his sun block, but he felt her hand tighten as she turned and led him onto the grass and underneath the scattered shade of a nearby pine. She pulled him down to the earth so the tree blocked the view of the road and the House. Finally she let go of his hand, letting the contrast between them fade for a moment. She brushed her brown curls behind her ears as she sat against the rough bark of the pine. They sat there for a moment in silence, looking awkwardly in separate directions. It wasn’t the awkwardness of newly weds, but rather the silence that old lover find themselves enveloped in when they realize how long it has been since they’ve last embraced. He tried to think of something to say that wouldn’t come out as a mumble.

Their eyes met as they heard the noise: a low moaning from the House across the street. The young man leaned to look around the great pine, but couldn’t see any movement coming from the unpainted wooden structure. The unnatural moaning sounded like that of a woman, and as the seconds passed it began to grow louder. The young man began to stand up but he felt the girl’s warm hand tug at his sleeve. He looked down, and something in the brown eyes begged him to remain as he was. Suddenly, a loud crack, like that of wood snapping, cut short the moan. The girl’s eyes widened, and with little hesitation she pulled the young man close. Before he could object he felt her lips close in on him, and he soon forgot about the disturbance in the House, choosing instead to enjoy the girl’s attention. He stopped her warm advance for a moment; just long enough so he could lean down and kiss her scraped and scabbed knee. A white hand was left on her knee as their lips found each other again, and soon he felt her drag his hand up past her brown thigh and under her skirt. Once again the two figures became a single color, mixing beneath the tattered shadow on a hot summer day.

------------------------------------------

The sun seemed to seek them out after some time. As it moved across the sky, the shadows of pine needles slashed away at the girl’s cheek as she slept. The heat had made the two quite sleepy, and so they were dozing, half-naked, beneath the tree. With arrival of the sun, the scars of the tank-top began to fade from the girl’s shoulders. His chest unfamiliar with sun block, the young man’s body began to blush. He was on the border of sleep when, through closed eyelids, he perceived a shadow growing over him, despite having failed to hear anyone approach. An eyelid’s ascent revealed a small figure standing over them, that of a boy, no older than 5 or 6. He had the exact same shade of hair that the girl had, but instead of a gleaming smile, a simple frown dominated his little face. The grubby boy wore a pair of tattered shorts and white t-shirt, the rest was deeply tanned skin that could easily rival the girl’s. There was a pinpoint of a blood stain in the center of the shirt.

The girl! She was so light the young man had forgotten she was still lying there, topless, with her head in the crook of his arm. He quickly reached over and covered her bare breasts with the crumpled tank top and slid his arm slowly out from under her. He stood up to assert his height difference over the boy. The sun beat at his back as he slid a shirt over his burned body. The boy was now chewing thoughtfully on his hand as he regarded the tall man in front of him.

“Um, do you need some help kid?”

No word from the sun scarred little mite. The young man was reaching down to shake the girl awake when the boy pulled his hand out of his mouth and exclaimed, “June!” The young man paused and stared at the peculiarity in front of him. Well, at least the kid knows what month it is, he thought. He looked down again to find that the brown-haired girl’s eyes were wide open.
The little boy continued with his call, this time pointing across the street at the House. “June!” It took a second for her mine to catch up to her ears, and then she was quickly on her feet, the tank top falling back down to the ground. The young man looked around to make sure there was no one around to see her like this. He then picked up the tank-top and offered it to her, but with a wave of the hand she dismissed him; she was fixed on the boy in front of her.

“What is it Simon?” she said, looking angry, “what must we do now?”

“We must go inside,” Simon replied, “we must go inside and into the dark.” He sounded almost like he was reciting. The young man squinted at the child through the bright rays of sun. The spot of blood on his shirt had gotten bigger.

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

Email: A sad and embarrassing past

Date: Tue, 07 Jul 1998 12:37:01 -0700
From: "Calypso" warners@flash.net
To: "Kargos Bloodspitter" kargos@rocketmail.com
Subject: Re: From Matt again


My dearest love,it is so uplifting to see a letter from you! It makes my day! *kisses* I miss you soo much. are you having a grand time in london? is it as beutiful as they say it is? you are going to stone hinge?? you are so lucky! That is somewhere I really want to go. it is a place of great power, ya know that? I have like 8 pictures of it in my room. but no real pictures....I have never met n-e one who went there before. Do you think you could get me a picture? wow! where else are you going? is there a lot of spice girl crap in london? (just wondering) Oh I miss you SO much! I will try to upload thos pics...i dunno if I know how tho.but I will try me love. god i miss you. well, have fun for my, I love you
@--}---
All the love money can buy......an much much much more
<---Melissa

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

Email: A suggestion denied

Well, I managed to think up the F2 editor about 5 years too soon

Date: Thu, 02 Jul 1998 16:18 -0800
From: "Fallout2" fallout2@interplay.com
To: "Kargos Bloodspitter" kargos@rocketmail.com
Subject: Re: Map Editor Idea


Sorry, the editor will not be released. Maybe
sometimes far in the future after the game is a
relic. ;)

Team Fallout

You wrote:
This is just a suggestion so tell me if it sounds
stupid, but I think there should be a City Maker with
F2. After I finished playing Fallout 1 from about
every angle (Good/Evil) (Man/Woman) (Barter/Fighter)
Etc, I got kinda bored, and I thought it would be
great if we could create our own locations on the
map. A player would place the bitmaps, make the map
layout, script the important NPCs (for the commons
there would be a generic script) and place it into
the Fallout world, or have a clean map for one to
work on. Maybe there could even be an option to bring
in your own bitmaps. Players could then create their
own worlds. It would greatly increase the replay
value of the game, even if it did delay it, or it
could be implemented as an Add-on pack.

Friday, July 30, 2004

The price of performance

From: admin@alienware-pc.com
To: kargos@rocketmail.com
Subject: Quote
Date: Fri, 16 Jan 1998 17:37:25 -0500

Processor:            Intel Pentium II 300MHz MMX
Memory:               384MB SDRAM 10ns
Keyboard:             Mitsumi 104-Enhanced Keyboard
Mouse:                Microsoft 2-Button Mouse PS/2 or Serial
Hard_Drive:           DiamondMax 8.4 GB HD 9.7ms seek time, 33/MBs
Ultra-DMA
SCSI Controllers:     (None)
Monitor:              Viewsonic 21" P810, SVGA Monitor
Video:                Jazz Outlaw Rendition V2200 w/8MB AGP
Video2:               Diamond Monster Voodoo w/4MB PCI (Game Bundle)
Sound:                SoundBlaster 16 PnP & Diamond Monster Sound
CD:                   Creative Labs DXR2 DVD-ROM 20X
Modems:               US Robotics 56K Internal Voice/Fax
Speakers:             Altec Lansing ACS500 Speaker & Subwoofer
Storage:              (None)
Controllers:          Saitek X35/X36 Controllers
Motherboard         440LX AGP Microstar ***Top Performer on the market
Case                 Elan Vital Full Tower ATX Dual Fans w/250 PS
                         Mitsumi 1.44MB Floppy Drive
                         Windows '95 OEM Service Release 2

3-Year Parts & Labor Aliencare Warranty
Personalized Technical Support Manual
Free upgrade of hardware when purchased from us
Latest Direct X/Motherboard/Video/Sound Drivers
Tweaked for High-End Gaming/Application Performance

Price:    $5,474.00  + Shipping

"PC Gamers Editors Choice Award" January '98

Please feel free to call at (800)494-3382 or e-mail us if you should
have any questions.

Thank You,

Alex
Alienware PC Systems

I still want to know *SOMETHING* about you

I'm going through e-mails from as far back as 7 years ago, for the purpose of self-exploration or something. I'll try and pick out the most interesting ones that reveal things about the 13-year old Matt.

Date: Sat, 06 Dec 1997 22:01:25
From: --------
Subject: Matthew....... do you have any clue how strange you are?

I am sitting here, trying to make SOME sense out of your web site....member of what?What buisinness? am I missing something here? HELP ME OUT!(This isweird, I'm 'thinkning' in an English accent,,,, very strange..)

ok, off that topic....(by the way, dont respond to this message, sendany E-mail to(-------)
Well, that was certanly an interesting phone conversations...all 600 of them

::sigh:: I'm brain dead, cant think of a darn thing to say, so I'llfinish this when I have a complet mind(well, that might take a while, so, well, just until I can think)

May Dragons Fly Ever In Your Dreams,
Kath

P.S. I STILL want to know *SOMETHING* about you....I feel lost, have noclue who you are... and that is something that drives me crazy, and crazy Kate...not good idea,,,,,Farewell


Friday, July 23, 2004


They just didn't see the point Posted by Hello

Saturday, May 01, 2004

I won't be a proxy for your
little insurrection
your failure to communicate

And you left your ribbon in my hand
thank you for participating
but I never could pin it on your breast

The silver medallion of your
disastrous attempt
at being

I can't be the one
to take the fall on this one

Wednesday, June 25, 2003

How can I say?
Say what say what?
Lips moving and…
Wait, but first I feel quite the same that
Life and a paradigm cannot be proved.

You see, when I went to prove
The meaning of life
I left out the equation that showed
Us
Me
But you won’t let me throw that logic around.

Friday, April 11, 2003

Fucking walls.

The office was getting smaller in his opinion. The presences of the Dell was the worst of it all. Why couldn't he bring his laptop to work? "You'll just distract yourself," said his co-workers, whoever they might be. He banged on the mouse a little bit, surfing the web to his heart content.

I can't do work, why do work? God I'm tired.

His face hurt where the coroner had bopped him one. He couldn't think straight.
Harker slumped back in his chair. No good no good.

A face peered over the cubicle wall.

Friday, February 07, 2003

The coroner stared at the picture for a while. He then held it up next to the woman's face. He sighed, quietly. Thom saw through the kind face the man now adopted.

"I knew it," he said as his legs began to give way.

"Sir, I... I'm sorry."
"Fuck you! Let me see that picture!"
"Sir, you need to sit and have a drink, shall we go over here?"
"The picture you bastard!"
"Mister, calm down!"

Thom lunged at the coroner in a desperate attempt to grab the photograph. He was in dire error because the man was a good half a foot taller and forty pounds heavier than him. A jab to the jaw ended the tangle quickly.The coroner's face suddenly sunk downwards, as the cold white light on the ceiling swung down to meet Thom.

Black.

Tuesday, December 31, 2002

The dark man turned to them.

"You see yourself every day. A man. You know who you are. Bright and beautiful, you know who you are. He doesn't know who he is, every day he is at war with the stranger he sees in the mirror. Can you judge a man who cannot even judge himself?"

They considered. Murmors, questions in the night.

"How do you question existence when you can't fathom it? Look at him! He is pathetic. He is the dirt we wipe off our feet. An ant! A microbe!"

Murmur, sigh, shift, exhale.

"And how do you propose that we take it all away from him?"

Monday, December 23, 2002

Brown hair, blue eyes. Brown hair, blue eyes. Gelled hair. Unshaven face. Brown hair... blue eyes. Who is that? Who is that?

The man that Thom sees stares firmly back him, determined not to speak. The man's hand goes instinctively to the back of his head. Thom recognizes the action.
You know, he thinks to himself, I bet that man's got the exact same scar I do... scrap metal can do wonders to the skull.

Thom runs his hand down the mirror, smearing the foggy condensation that has collected there. I've often read that people come to terms with their existence while looking in the mirror, he thinks. Shit, I've been this way for eight years and still can't come to grips with it. I'm pathetic.

He turns away from the mirror, disgusted with the man on the other side.

Brown hair... blue eyes.

He feels her hand touch his shoulder.

Sunday, December 22, 2002

This is just a working title/necessity so I can get a website up. I've already found lots of books online with the same title... but the content is always quite different.